We were misled about what healthy relationships look like by the books and movies.
A boy and a girl meet, hook up, and voilà! A fantastic relationship is about to begin between them.
However, as we grow emotionally and mentally and as we carefully observe successful relationships, we will realize that in order for a relationship to be successful,
It’s going to take adequate preparation from two people who are willing to make it work.
A good relationship is just as good as the quality of the people in it. Nothing magically just happens.
Therefore, before entering into any relationship, we should ask ourselves, “Do I have or know what it takes to make a good relationship work?”
“Or am I under pressure from friends and family to start a relationship because everyone is doing it?”
“Do I often feel neglected when I’m not included in conversations and activities?
Why do I need this relationship so much? “Am I scared of being alone?
- How do I know I am ready to be in a relationship?
- How do you know if you’re not ready for a relationship?
- How long should you date before being in a relationship?
How do I know I am ready to be in a relationship?
These are some fundamental questions we need to ask ourselves before starting any relationship.
1. Who am I?
Do you know yourself enough? Do you know your strengths and weaknesses?
Are you emotionally intelligent? Do you take offense easily? How do you handle conflict?
Are you confident or do you always feel the need for external validation to reassure you of who you are?
If you don’t know yourself well enough, don’t think you can find it in other people.
2. What was I created by God to do?
Have you discovered the purpose of your existence on Earth? God, who created you, is the only one who has the solution.
Are you just living your life as each day comes without any sense of purpose? Do you even have a relationship with God?
I am aware that some people find it difficult to discuss God, which is not surprising to me. You risk going insane if God doesn’t intervene during these difficult times.
One of the most crucial questions we must all ask is, “What is my purpose?” When you don’t know why God created you,
You will always look to people to complete you and keep you happy. Your partner is to enhance your strengths and not complete you.
Our completeness only comes from God and not man.
And in Him you have been made complete [achieving spiritual stature through Christ], and He is the head over all rule and authority [of every angelic and earthly power].Colossians 2:10 AMP
3. What is my purpose for entering into this relationship?
Am I going in for all the wrong reasons? Am I under pressure from friends and family to be in a relationship?
Do I feel jealous when my friends talk about their relationships? Am I tired of lying to everyone about a mystery guy that only exists in my head?
Is my desire for sex one of the things that motivates me to want a relationship? Do I fear being alone or being called names?
Do I feel incomplete without a guy in my life? You have to be sincere when answering these questions so that you don’t have heartbreak.
4. How well do I know the other person?
Why are you attracted to this guy in the first place? Do you like him because he is nice? The fruit of the Holy Spirit does not include being nice.
Do you like him because you guys have chemistry? We can have chemistry with several people in a day so that is not a good reason.
Does he remind you of your ex or are you trying to use him to make your ex feel jealous? Are your conclusions about him a result of romantic fantasies from novels and movies?
Are you scared to introduce him to your family members or mentors because of what they might discover about him?
Outside of your social setting, who else can vouch for his admirable behavior?
There is a problem if you are hesitant to tell your parents about him because you are worried about what they might say. This is not a fairytale, and your life may be in danger.
5. What boundaries will I set in this relationship?
You can never know how you should be treated until you comprehend God’s love. Make a list of your do’s and don’ts.
Decide now what it is going to be before entering into any relationship so that you are swayed by sweet talks.
Aside from having a romantic relationship, do you even know how to choose your friends? Do you make a criterion for choosing your friends?
Boundaries are set to protect us, not to keep us in chains. This is the reason I would recommend knowing God for yourselves before bringing people into your life.
Would you include the following on your list: no sex, no late-night visits, no kissing or other sexual contact, etc.
Please, having sex before marriage is like putting on fire and expecting it not to burn you. Sex only complicates the relationship.
Don’t put yourself in harm’s way because you’re trying to prove to people that you’re a strong black woman.
6. Will this relationship glorify God and make me a better person?
We are meant to be a light for the rest of the world. As much as we want to live our lives on our own terms,
Instead of sapping our energy, our relationship should encourage the best parts of us to come out.
How do you know if you’re not ready for a relationship?
Some of the signs to help you know that you’re not ready for a relationship are:
1. You’re not happy with yourself.
You constantly complain about your flaws and dislike getting advice because it makes you feel inadequate.
You also shy away from compliments because you see them as being unworthy.
2. You have difficulty forgiving yourself and others.
You’re not ready to be in a relationship if you have trouble forgiving yourself or others. A successful relationship is built when two forgivers come together.
3. You’re insecure about having other people around your partner.
When you don’t give people their breathing space they are going to detest you.
We must relate to other people because we were designed as relational beings. It has become an obsession if you always want your partner to be with you.
4. When you don’t have a relationship with God.
This is an area nobody likes to talk about. Your relationship with God helps you to discover your identity.
It is beneficial to view yourself from God’s perspective rather than the viewpoint of your peers.
God takes even a mundane situation and turns it around for our good.
I don’t understand how people have managed to live normally without God.
5. If you have not developed the heart of service,
Do you love to serve other people without being told? Are you selfish?
Do you accept accountability for the things you do? Do you put on a persona that is not your own?
How long should you date before being in a relationship?
Before we talk about how long should you date before being in a relationship,
You must first have solid friendships because it is simple for people to stop acting pretend when they are just friends.
Both of you are not under any pressure to make it official. In this process, you can decide if you complement each other or not.
You should also have people who can hold you both accountable for the moral standard you have set up in the relationship.
Let your family be aware of what you have going on in your life. In conclusion, don’t rush the process because you will know when you are ready.