Have you heard the famous quote by author and speaker Michelle McKinney Hammond, “Dating is not for mating but for collecting data?”
Dating has been defined to mean different things across different cultures. Some have defined dating as a time to just hang out and have drinks,
While others see it as a great opportunity to check for sexual compatibility. lol😆🤣
The reason most people date wrongly is that they are unaware of what dating is about. They gather false information from publications, individuals, and social media.
“When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable.”
Late Dr. Myles Munroe
Dating is the mutual decision made by a man and a woman to get to know one another for a while in a *non-sexual way*
to determine whether their goals are compatible and if they can be together in the future.
The first stage in dating is figuring out your reasons for being together and what your end goal is. As Christians who want to date, we know that the first thing to do is to pray and seek God’s approval.
If dating means meeting someone you can just hang out with or talk to on the phone every day, finding friends with whom you can do that is then what you need to do.
Dating is much more than that; the objective is to learn as much as you can about the guy to determine whether or not he will make a good spouse.
I’m not suggesting that you won’t hang out but it has to be much more than having ice cream and cake.
Talk about what is necessary based on the stage of that relationship. Don’t jump into marriage and kids just yet.
What is regarded as the appropriate age for dating in your family or country? since it is possible to be 18 years old and unprepared for dating.
Are you open to the idea of working with a mentor who would hold you both accountable for your actions?
Are you emotionally mature, mentally and spiritually mature? Are you easily offended and do you know how to express your feelings without anger?
How do Christians set boundaries in dating?
To have a successful Christian dating experience we need to talk about boundaries and why.
Boundaries are voluntary restraints we put in our lives that keep us from temptation that leads to sin with the opposite sex.
Boundaries are not bondage, and we mustn’t see them as such. We need boundaries in our daily lives to keep us from harm.
Both of you need to first write out your individual boundaries and then come together to talk about them.
As a lady how do you want to be treated? Do you have healthy self-esteem? What does respect look like for you?
What does a healthy relationship mean to you, especially given that you may not have seen one modeled for you?
Don’t play pretend just because you want to impress the other person. Here are other areas to consider:
1. Are your beliefs about Jesus Christ the same?
If your views on Christ are in conflict, particularly when it comes to kissing and not having sex, then break up. Dating is not for mating.
Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship do righteousness and iniquity have? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness? 15 What agreement does Christ have with Belial? Or what portion does a believer have with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement does a temple of God have with idols? For you are a temple of the living God. Even as God said, “I will dwell in them and walk in them. I will be their God and they will be my people.”
2 Corinthians 6:14-16 WEB
This guy can be a Christian but an unbeliever. An unbeliever is someone who doesn’t believe the same things as you about God. Don’t be fooled by his cuteness.
2. How long are you allowed to stay out
Spending ungodly hours with the opposite sex outside the house is not a good idea. To please God and remain pure for his glory is the main priority; don’t ask how far is too far.
3. Strive to please God and each other rather than concentrating on how to be romantic.
4. Spend time with other like-minded individuals.
You need to see how he handles situations, and conflict, and relate with other people. Other people might be able to spot blind spots about him.
I am aware that no one is perfect, but you should still seek the advice of those you can trust.
Be receptive to any criticism that may be offered as well. Always start with the end in mind.
Have a mentor in your life who would guide you both just in case you mess up. If you guys make a mistake with the boundary you set, it’s okay. Pray and ask God’s forgiveness, repent and start over.
do and dont’s in Christian dating
Building intimacy in Christian dating doesn’t have to involve anything sexual. I’ll regard intimacy as *into-me-see*
This means being vulnerable and not being ashamed of being your authentic self. These are practical do’s and don’ts in Christian dating:
| Do’s of Christian dating | Dont’s in Christian dating |
|---|---|
| 1. Let God be first in the relationship. | Never kiss or have sex because you are not married. You are getting to know him. Remember! |
| 2. Let your parents and spiritual mentors be aware of the relationship from the first day. | Be careful about what you share about yourself or your family. |
| 3. Talk about your interests and not sex. Watch movies that are not romantic together. | Don’t wear a revealing outfit because you want to feel sexy. Don’t test him |
| 4. Let your personality shine | Don’t ask him for money make your own |
| 5. Know his family and friends as well. | Don’t engage in anything that is against your faith just to impress a stranger. |
| 6 Have someone hold you both accountable | Keep hugs to the side and avoid unnecessary touch or affection. |
How far is too far in Christian dating
Should Christian dating couples kiss? My answer is no. Who do we intend to please with our relationship? Is it God or man?
During a kissing exercise, your hands are exploring each other’s bodies. Within minutes of being aroused, you have sex.
The Bible already instructs us to flee all forms of fornication because God knows how sexual gestures can lead quickly to sin.
You are not married and engaging in such activities can be compared to stealing. You are taking something that is not yours yet. You are exploiting God’s child and breaking his law.
Engaging in sin is teaching the guy to be an adulterer in the marriage. Men don’t like things that come cheaply. Why pay for a cow when the milk is free?
Another mistake I see is spending all your time in his house like you have nothing else to do. It’s hilarious. You had a life before he came into the picture. So why put your life on hold?
Why can’t you stay at your house during the weekends and sleep on your bed? You’re sleeping on the same bed and expecting nothing to happen. Stay in your house!
Some other people cannot wait to move in together. If you cannot practice self-control in your single days, building a good marriage will also be difficult for both of you.
You need to behave with a high sense of self-worth regardless of whether your parents believe that he is the right one for you.
If pleasing God is the first thing on your mind then you won’t have a problem ending a sinful relationship.
How do I get out of a sinful relationship?
Asking for God’s forgiveness will enable you to end a sinful relationship. It doesn’t matter what mistakes you’ve made.
The love of God is able to cover our transgressions. Don’t allow the lies of the devil whispering in your ears to keep you from going to God.
God loves you too much to let you go. To help you, ask the Holy Spirit, who is able to teach us all things. You also need to cut off any form of contact with him.
Please, don’t stalk him on social media to see who he is dating at the moment, and stop accepting his gifts or love notes.
How to Build A Relationship with God
1. Stop caring about other people’s thoughts when you end the relationship.
2. Stop visiting his apartment. You could be raped.
3. stop accepting his gifts because he looks sorry.
5. Get someone who can hold you accountable.
6. Forgive both him and yourself.
What are the spiritual boundaries in dating?
You can also set spiritual boundaries in dating by not engaging in private bible studies with him. Study the Bible together with others who are believers in Jesus Christ.
You can say your prayers in your individual homes. Don’t be under pressure to pray together.
There are things that God would have to say to each of you privately. Don’t rush the process. Don’t try to move to the next phase of the relationship until God gives you his approval.
Remember, dating is not for mating but for collecting data.
