Dating can be quite exciting when it looks like we have found the one. They are the total package of awesomeness—they have the looks, the charm, and, to be completely honest, we are also attracted to each other sexually.
One of the best pieces of Christian dating advice I have learned over the years—and about relationships in general—is knowing myself and my identity in Christ.
No matter how nice a person they may be, I must first be aware of my boundaries in a relationship before inviting anyone else.
We must never assume that every Christian we meet will share our values about God and life in general.
There are some Christians who see nothing wrong with kissing and cuddling before marriage. There are others who want to have premarital sex to check for sexual compatibility. lol
Other Christians refuse to go to the hospital when they are sick, and the list goes on. So it is important that you are both on the same page about your values.
WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT DATING
God came up with the concept of relationships, not us. The Bible makes it abundantly clear that we are to offer God our daily lives as sacrifices, including our interpersonal relationships.
So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering.Romans 12: 1a Message Bible
Given that He commands us to be fruitful and multiply in every aspect of our lives, God is not against dating. But what God is against is making our dating relationship an idol.
Even worse engaging in premarital sex or anything that defiles us. What most people don’t know is, the guy you’re dating is your brother in Christ.
Consider for a moment whether you would kiss and have sex with your brother. Of course not! In dating, God is entrusting us with the life of His child and vice versa and He is expecting us not to destroy it
As long as we haven’t gone to the altar to exchange our vows, that person is another girl’s prospective husband. It is best we do unto others as we want to be treated.
Christian dating boundaries are not a punishment from God. God wants us to be happy, but he also wants us to keep our relationship with him intact.
Let us also not underestimate sexual attraction and the dangers of fornication. Because it is so simple to fall victim to sexual temptations, God commands us to flee.
It can be difficult to set dating boundaries when you are watching sexually stimulating movies, talking about sex, or doing anything sexually related.
There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others.1st Corinthians 6:18 Message Bible
Remember that dating is not for mating but rather for collecting data. We might also be tempted to start conversations about how many kids we want to have, where we want to live, etc. when we don’t even know them very well.
Even if we do know them, you would agree that there is a time and a place for everything. For some people this type of conversation can be a sexual trigger for some people.
As ladies we have the gift of fantasy, it is easy to be caught up with fantasizing about our weddings even when it is five or ten years into the future.
It would be impolite if you went to a job interview and the interviewer started asking about your love life or how many children you would want to have.
HOW FAR IS TOO FAR IN CHRISTIAN DATING
How far is too far in Christian dating? That shouldn’t be the question; the question should be, “How far am I willing to please God in this relationship?”
It’s like sticking our fingers into a fire and asking, “How far will I get burnt?” Before beginning any dating or platonic relationship, it is critical that we write down our boundaries.
It will be more difficult for us to compromise in any relationship when we are aware of our boundaries and uphold them.
When we make out and cuddle, we devalue ourselves and are modeling for the other person how to treat us. I wish I could get this tattooed on our foreheads.
When someone is able to put their love for God above their feelings, that is one of the ways to tell if they love God and value us.
Do they have self-control? because it is more difficult to exercise self-control in marriage if you didn’t do so while you were single.
Is it okay to kiss in a Christian relationship?
No, it is not okay to kiss in a Christian dating relationship. Can God be proud of us just as He could boast about Job? Sex can be expressed through kissing and cuddling.
Furthermore, since you are not yet married in God’s eyes, the person you are kissing is someone else’s potential spouse. That’s your brother in Christ.
Would you kiss and cuddle your brother or sister? I certainly hope not, as that would be considered incest.
How Do You Date in a Godly Way?
Following Biblical principles or examples is the best advice for dating in a godly manner. We must also surround ourselves with people of like minds.
Study the lives of Esther, David, King Solomon, and Mary the mother of Jesus, and learn from them. Learn from father Abraham how his one-night stands with his maid have become the problem of an entire race even to this day.
How about the story of Lot’s daughters who grew up in Sodom and Gomorrah as virgins but they had sex with their father without his consent. As the scriptures say, everything in the Bible was written for our example.
We must also have people who are willing to hold us accountable for our actions. This is not the time for us to be defensiveness about anything but rest assured that it is for the best.
I know that there are some laid-out Christian rules for dating. Whether or not the church or youth group we attend teaches solid Biblical truth could determine this. Some of the first on my list are:
- Please Avoid Netflix and chill it and spending too much time on unproductive activities
- Holding hands for a long period of time can lead to sexual temptations
- Sitting on his lap (Get a chair)
- Avoid unnecessary frequent visits to his apartment
- Get good mentors to hold both of you accountable
The list is inexhaustible and it is based on the scripture in Songs of Solomon. You should also read books that would help you stay pure in dating.
Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up,Songs of Solomon 8:4
until the time is ripe—and you’re ready.
The reason I recommend we date in a godly way is so that even when the relationship doesn’t work out, we are not thinking about that piece of us that we gave away during sex.
Comment below with advice on how to establish boundaries in Christian dating. This community will like to learn from you.