Back in the day, I was quite surprised when people didn’t reciprocate my gesture of kindness. I wanted to be everything to every-yy-yy one, not minding if I was okay.
I was your go-to person when you needed to meet up deadlines. If you want anything fixed? I was right there. All you needed to do was ask.
I stretched myself too thin without giving thought to the fact that not everyone was kind. I was astonished when the same people I helped a few minutes ago,
Would betray me at different times without thinking twice about it.
“Why couldn’t they stand up for me?” I thought.
“Did I not do enough.”
These were a few of the questions that would run through my mind.
Eventually, I had an aha moment which was learning to accept people for who they are and not what they should have been.
And never place people on a pedestal they didn’t need.
It was difficult to forgive those who hurt me. I wanted to have my pound of flesh. Fortunately, I discovered that each time I chose to forgive,
Two of these things happened. The first was gaining wisdom on the role I played in getting hurt. Secondly, my relationship with God was not affected because He knew how to compensate me.
How to Build A Relationship with God
One of the reasons we find it difficult to forgive others is because we choose to punish the offender ourselves rather than expecting justice to be served.
Truthfully, doing this causes more suffering and loss. The power to forgive cannot happen through our strength. But through the power of the Holy Spirit, stay with me.
Some of us must have been through some horrific experiences. That was unfair to us, but you’re not fighting this battle alone, and only God can give you the strength to forgive.
Therefore, if you’re having trouble forgiving or have decided not to forgive. The best time to allow the process to start is right now.
What is forgiveness and why is it important?
My definition of Forgiveness is offering mercy to an offender and choosing joy.
It also means choosing to let go of the hurt done to us or the hurt we may have caused other people as well.
Offering forgiveness doesn’t make you a weakling.
Do you know that only a strong individual can forgive?🤯
Forgiving others empowers us from becoming captives of our emotions.
And you don’t have to worry about holding anyone to ransom either.
You’re in charge of your happiness and it is not infected by other people’s poison.
Imagine going up to the peak of the mountain with 10 backpacks filled with God knows what.
You will never be able to reach the peak because of the weight.
Any time people offend us, they leave us with the weight of their betrayal or poison.
So we can either choose to drop it as soon as possible or bear the consequences.
The consequences include depression, cancer, ill health, lack of sleep, lack of joy, etc
This is why forgiveness is important. It must become our lifestyle.
How do I forgive someone who hurt me deeply?
Realize that some situations can be overlooked while others will take time to heal.
For instance, if you lend someone some money and he/she refuses to pay back,
If it is an amount you can let go. Please, move on with your life.
especially if you’ve tried To get it back but it led to name-calling. Yes, that was unfair to you.
Won’t you rather go after your peace of mind than lose your sanity?
We could sit and blame ourselves all day while the offender goes about their daily lives pretending nothing ever happened.
Again God never forgets His children. He will compensate you in ways you can never imagine.
But if the problem is rape and that happened years ago. It is time for both therapy and God’s intervention.
Because the healing is going to be a process and you can’t rush it.
The other ways to deal with someone who hurts you emotionally are;
1. Double-check the triggers:
What triggered the offense?
Was it the way I handled the problem or did I give out too much
information about myself which made me vulnerable to attacks?
Or is the offender known for always hurting people without any cause?
This will guide you on how best to interact with such a person
And the kind of healthy boundaries you can create
But if it’s a workplace and you know that not getting your work done will result in name-calling,
Why not get it done as soon as possible.
2. Guard your heart:
When someone makes a sensitive remark about you
You have a choice to respond or walk away. For me, I’ll either say to the person calmly
“If I said this to you would you like it?”
Or walk away and when the time is right when all nerves are relaxed, I’ll go back and tell the person what they did.
Don’t be quick to anger, you will only become a target for people to provoke all the time.
It is not everything you must react to, it is a sign of immaturity.
Also, never allow nasty comments to linger in your mind.
Don’t rehearse it or write it in your diary. It is immature, and you will grow to despise people as a result. This also gives you false pride that you are a perfect person. Which is never true.
If you can’t forgive people, you will also not be forgiven.
3. Speak up:
The goal is not to be right but to solve a problem.
Find out from them what happened, what part they think you faulted, and listen
Listening to know if you could have done better or if the
relationship is worth keeping. Keep your emotions aside.
4. Don’t expect perfection from people:
Asking a mouse to fly or a fish to sing is impossible.
We’re not perfect people so why expect it from others.
There is truly nothing you can’t forgive if you want to forgive.
Again forgiveness doesn’t mean I like what you’ve done for me.
Rather, I will not imprison my life and happiness because of you.
5. Don’t rely on your strength:
Without the help of God through his Holy Spirit. You can’t forgive.
There are people you can’t get rid of just by deleting their contact because they keep resurrecting.
How to forgive someone who isn’t sorry
It’s not your job to make them feel sorry.
Your job is to release them from the grip.
Some people will never apologize for hurting you, take it or leave it.
I went to a dentist to fill the hole in my teeth. Instead, she drilled and damaged my tooth.
While forcing me to open my mouth wider I had a cut that took a while to heal.
I wanted to go back to her and give her a piece of my mind.
But that wouldn’t fix the problem.
Instead, I went to another dentist who tried to correct the damage already done.
If all I did was complain instead of fixing it, that wouldn’t stop the previous dentist from breathing.
Can you really forgive someone for hurting you?
You can truly forgive someone from the heart through the help of the Holy Spirit. There will be times when the offense will pop up in your mind even after you’ve forgiven the person.
It is only the Holy Spirit that can help us choose forgiveness daily. Choosing forgiveness has to be a daily lifestyle.
The truth is that we can never really tell the challenges we might face daily or what a loved one will do to upset us.
I pray that God grants us the grace not to keep count of the wrongs done to us.
The Benefits of forgiveness
1. It brings clarity to your life. You gain wisdom on how to handle relationships.
2. You have peace with God and man.
3. You have lower blood pressure
4. You are not prone to any terminal illness.
5. Your prayers are unhindered.
How do you get over someone who hurts you emotionally?
1. Pray and talk to God about it.
2. Get around a good community of people who will be willing to go on this journey of forgiveness.
3. Go to therapy if you think you need it.
4. Choose joy daily
Forgiveness should be our lifestyle. Yes, it looks hard. You can still forgive.
You don’t want to nurture hurt in your life and pass that over to another generation.
This is why we have many problems in the world today we don’t want to forgive.
If we all decide to forgive people, generational curses will not prevail and this world will be a better place.
