You’ve prayed for a nice, Christian boy or girl to come into your life and sweep you off your feet. Now that special someone finally slid into your DMs and wants to meet for coffee. Praise Jesus, right?
But hold your horses, Sparky. Before you start picking out china patterns and baby names, you need to make sure this person isn’t secretly a wolf in lambswool.
Sure they talk a good about loving the Lord and have a Jesus sticker on their car, but are there any red flags flapping that should give you pause?
As an expert in absolutely nothing, I’ve compiled this helpful list of signs that your new honey bunny may not be quite as godly as they seem on the surface.
This is supposed to act as a guide but remember the Holy Spirit and the word of God is supposed to be our compass.
If you don’t have a relationship with God and you’re waiting to fall in love before seeking God, then you’re making the wrongest move. It is God first before seeking a relationship.
So before you dive into a relationship with someone just because they know all the words to Amazing Grace, take a beat and see if any of these warnings apply.
The last thing you need is to end up in a marriage that makes you wish the Rapture would hurry up already.
What are Red flags in a Relationship Christian?
For starters, do they actually live by Christian values or just talk the talk? It’s one thing to speak eloquently about faith and grace, but if they’re not walking the walk in their day-to-day life, that’s a major red flag.🤯
Look for signs like regular church attendance, involvement in ministry or outreach, daily devotional or prayer time, and Bible reading.
If those things don’t seem to be priorities in their life, you may want to proceed with caution. Marriage is a call to service. If you can’t serve others how can you serve a spouse.
Another warning sign is a lack of respect for boundaries. Sure, Christian dating should be different than secular dating, but that doesn’t mean you throw all boundaries out the window.
If they constantly pressure you into uncomfortable situations, violate your privacy, or ignore your requests for space – that’s not okay. Healthy relationships are built on mutual trust and respect, not control or manipulation.
And speaking of manipulation, watch out for emotional manipulation and lack of empathy. Your partner should value your feelings and treat you as an equal, not make you feel guilty or unworthy to get your way.
If they frequently criticize you, embarrass you in public, or blame you for their own shortcomings, that’s emotional abuse – not love.
The list goes on, but you get the idea. Look for the fruits of the spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
If these qualities aren’t evident in someone’s character, no matter how charming or devout they seem, think twice before pursuing a serious relationship. Your heart, faith, and well-being depend on it!
What is a red flag in a Christian man?
When dating a Christian man, you’ll want to keep an eye out for certain red flags that could signal trouble down the road. Watch out for the following:
- He talks during the sermon. We all know that one guy who just won’t stop yapping, even when the pastor is preaching. What’s so important that it can’t wait 15 minutes? Check, please! Or they always have something nasty to say against every preacher.
- His favorite Bible verse is ‘Wives, submit to your husbands’. Run🏃♀️, don’t walk, away from this guy. While submissiveness is Biblical, if he’s focused on that part, he’s likely a control freak. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life, sister!
- He refers to women as ‘females’. Any man who can’t bring himself to say ‘women’ or ‘ladies’ probably sees the fairer sex as another species. Hard pass.
- He’s in his 30s but still lives with his parents. Look, we all go through hard times, but if he’s perfectly content never leaving the nest, he may expect you to take care of him. You’re looking for a partner, not a project. Amen😂
- His car is filled with empty energy drink cans and fast food wrappers. If he can’t take care of himself, he certainly won’t be able to properly care for you. A messy car often signals a messy life, and you deserve better!
One of my mentors told a story of a guy whom he visited two weeks before his wedding. He was surprised to see that he hasn’t washed his clothes for weeks.
He asked the guy the reason for leaving his clothes unwashed and he said that there was no point washing them since his wife-to-be would wash them when she comes. Yikes!
This guy doesn’t understand what marriage was about. What he needs is a dry cleaner, not a wife. He needs to have his mind renewed.
While no one is perfect, these traits suggest a man who may not treat you as the precious daughter of God that you are. Keep your eyes open, trust your instincts, and don’t be afraid to move on if something feels off.
You’ll find the right Godly man for you, just be patient! The single life isn’t so bad, enjoy this time to strengthen your relationship with the One who loves you most. The Almighty God
What are serious red flags in dating?
They are too hands-on on the first date. We get it, you are excited to finally meet in person after connecting online. But that is no excuse for handiness.
If your date is all over you physically right from the start, that is a sign they may have some boundary issues. A good Christian relationship honors God with their body in the physical intimacy department.
Save the hugging, hand-holding, and definitely the kissing for your marriage. And if at any point you feel uncomfortable with how quickly things are progressing physically, don’t be afraid to speak up. Your comfort level matters.
They pressure you into alone time too soon
Alone time, in the early days of Christian dating, should really only involve public places like coffee shops, restaurants, or double dates with other couples.
If your new sweetheart is pushing hard for alone time at their place or yours right away, that is a red flag. They may have certain expectations about how that alone time will go that you are not quite ready for.
Don’t feel bad about saying you’d prefer to keep things public for now. You have every right to go at your own pace.
They trash-talk their ex (or exes)
We all have a past, and breakups are rarely easy. But if your date brings up their exes only to put them down or play the blame game, that is a sign of bitterness and definitely a lack of maturity.
No matter how badly things ended, speaking poorly of an ex shows a lack of grace and forgiveness because these two traits are so important in a good Christian partnership.
Your date should have worked through those hard feelings before starting something new. If they haven’t, their baggage may cause issues down the road.
They pressure you into changing for them
Compromise is normal in a relationship, but the pressure to change fundamental parts of who you are is not okay. He/she is willing to pay for a BBL
If your new date is constantly nagging you to dress differently, drop certain friends, give up hobbies you love, or make other big life changes to please them early on, that’s controlling behavior.
That kind of selfishness will only increase over time and Chip away at your sense of identity and self-worth. Don’t stand for it. A good Christian relationship allows both partners to be fully themselves.
They are dishonest or misleading
Honesty and integrity are absolute must-haves in a Godly relationship. If you catch your date in lies, even small ones, or notice a tendency to exaggerate or mislead, that is a serious problem.
Dishonesty destroys trust, and without trust, a Christian relationship cannot thrive or glorify God. Don’t make excuses for a liar or try to justify their falsehoods. Dishonesty is a flaw
What are the boundaries in a Christian dating relationship?
The boundaries in Christian dating relationships are like that one annoying friend who just won’t stop talking during the movie.
They are well-intentioned but can really harsh your mellow if you let them. The trick is finding the right balance between following the rules and actually enjoying each other’s company.
You should avoid being alone together in private at all costs. Always double date or hang out in groups. If you do find yourself alone,
keep the door open and stay in public areas where your nosy neighbors and their binoculars can keep an eye on things.
Holding hands or quick hugs are not fine, keep your lips to yourself! Some people are triggered to have sex just by holding hands for a long time or by a kiss.
Save that first kiss for your wedding day or you’ll end up with regrets. The truth is that men are hunters they like to do the pursuing. If you give yourself away before your wedding he won’t respect you. FYI
When it comes to communication, keep things light and casual at first. Discuss your favorite Bible verses, church activities, career aspirations, or which Christian pop band is your jam.
As the relationship progresses, you can move on to deeper topics like your personal walks with God, struggles with faith, or family issues around the world. But avoid being too vulnerable too soon.
Don’t trauma dump on the first date! And for the love of all that is holy, do not sext. The Bible says your body is a temple, not an amusement park.
Finances should be kept separate as well. Don’t lend or borrow money from each other. Pay for your own meals and activities, or take turns treating each other.
Keeping money matters independent avoids conflict and shows you value the relationship, not material gain. If marriage is in the cards down the road, you’ll have plenty of time to combine accounts then.
In summary, the key boundaries in Christian dating are: avoid temptation, take things slow, be prudent and wise with what you share, and keep your wallets as closed as your lips.
Following these principles will help build a God-centered relationship based on trust, respect, and patience.
The rest will fall into place in time, but for now, just focus on enjoying fellowship together and keeping your hands where Jesus can see them!🤣
And so dear reader, now you’re equipped with knowledge of relationship red flags waving brighter than a matador’s cape.
But don’t dwell on them, you’ve got living to do! Go forth and date, but do so wisely and remember – you only get one life, so don’t waste it on people who make you question your self-worth or faith.
There are good ones out there, you just have to wade through the masses waving their red flags to find them. But when you do, it’ll make the wait worth it.
So keep your head up, learn to love yourself first, and don’t ignore those flags – unless, of course, they’re actually red flags, in which case you should definitely not ignore those.
But you get the point. Now off you go you, God’s kid, get out there and find your king! The end. If you got to the end of this post, let me know your thought in the comment section about your red flags in a relationship.