Dear Virtual Bff,

Two women arguing, signs of a toxic friend

Let’s talk about 7 warning signs of a toxic friend.

A toxic friend is just like a letter bomb💣 with an attractive wrap. (what I ordered vs what I got)🤯😀

And you can hardly tell at first their true intention because of their clever way of coming into your life and controlling it.

At first, they are like the brother, sister or friend you’ve never had.

They act caring, thoughtful and they seem to know what’s best for you. (You’ll think)🤔

But, that is just a prep for the worst things that are to come.🥁🥁🥁

Dr Lillian Grass is a California based communication and psychology expert who is famous for coining the word Toxic People

She defines a toxic relationship as one filled with conflict that makes you lose your individuality.

But, if you’re not too sure that you’re in a toxic relationship, these are 7 warning signs of a toxic friend{What everyone must know.}

A TOXIC FRIEND IS CONTROLLING

A controlled puppet, signs of a toxic friend

They begin by telling you whom they think are your ideal friends, what colours suits you best.

Why you might fail again because they think ehenn you’re not good enough.

But, you might not realize at first that you’re being controlled

until when you have to always defend their actions before your friends and family.🤦‍♀️

Hold up! But these warning signs were always there from the beginning but we choose to ignore them.

How? I’m glad you asked.

Remember how nasty they were the few times you’ve hung out with them.(oh! they weren’t?)

How about the time when you asked, “please, tell me a bit about yourself?” And the reply was,

“I’m quite a difficult person to live with.”

“I think I’m what you might call stubborn.”

I’m sure you thought they were talking about going after their goals.

Sorry boo boo! they weren’t, instead, God was showing you the future of that relationship in 3D.

Wise friends make you wise, but you hurt yourself by going around with fools. Proverbs13:20 CEV

TOXIC FRIENDS BRING FEAR

Close-Up Photo of Woman With Her Hands Tied With Rope, signs of a toxic friend

Fear is one of the warning signs of a toxic relationship because toxic friend = fear

Your palms gets sweaty, your heart pounds each time you see them or hear their name.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1John 4:18

Other times you might refuse to pick their calls because they drain you mentally and emotionally.

Did you know that fear can spike your blood pressure, cause weight loss, detach you from friends and family?

Because the fear of letting a toxic friend go would make

you do everything in your power

to keep them happy at your own expense. 

ANOTHER WARNING SIGN OF A TOXIC FRIEND IS PITCHING YOU AGAINST YOUR LOVED ONES

 A good friend should respect your family and not try to cause a rift.

You both agree to introduce them to your friends and family,

But, he/she blames you for being mistreated by your family.

What sensible friend wants you to have a secret wedding,

To isolate you from your loved ones all in the name of ‘your family don’t get me.’

Another warning sign of a toxic friend is using humour to make nasty comments that belittle you.

A good person should respect the relationship you’ve built over the years with your friends and family.

Better still, he/she should try to make it better than what it was. (what do you think?)

A TOXIC FRIEND DISRESPECTS YOU

A man yelling at another man and a woman, signs of a toxic friend

Another sign of a toxic friend is disrespecting you anytime or anywhere. You can’t have an opinion without been verbally attacked.

Even your other friends can tell that this person disrespects you. But as usual, we make excuses for them.

“You know he/she is just having a bad day.” (Indeed)

A toxic relationship brings out the worst in you. You become a shadow of yourself.

The vibrant, funny and peaceful person you were in the past goes out the window.

Body Shaming

In their eyes, nothing looks good on you. They hate you for trying to have a sleek appearance.

Constant criticising and nagging about your size or looks becomes the order of the day.

Why? Because they enjoy seeing how bad you feel each time they compare you to other people.

THEY ARE NEVER SINCERE

A toxic friend lies to get people’s attention.They can go the extra lie to cook up lies about their health or family just for attention.

They never mean it when they apologise. They may even blame you for provoking that action.

When these continues, you apologise over things that are clearly not your fault.

They don’t care about your feelings just themselves.

You apologise for smiling at a friend, you apologise for calling one minute late.

THEY BACKSTAB YOU

A close shot of a hand holding a knife, signs of a toxic friend

A toxic friend would always say nasty things about you to other people.

Both of you may have agreed over an issue, and even shook hands on it.

Only to hear from someone else, that your supposed friend says you’re selfish and a cheat.

That you didn’t let him/her have a say in the issue. He/she felt forced to make a quick decision. Beware!🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️

DEFILES YOU

A man looking at a sleeping woman, signs of a toxic relationship

When someone says they love you, they should respect your opinions and choices.

Premarital sex is not proof of love (emphasis on the proof). The reason why some people are stuck in a toxic relationship is because

They have given parts of their self during sex that they can’t get back. So it’s like the person whom they had sex with owes them a debt.

Friends shouldn’t impose their opinions on you. Rather, they should respectfully give their opinions.

 A person who claims to love you must first understand the love of Christ before they can truly love you.

CONCLUSION

A toxic relationship takes more from you than you can imagine.

It is best to choose your friends and don’t it from a place of insecurity.

That could be a vantage point for that person to hurt you or control you.

What are the other signs of a toxic relationship you’ve discovered?

1 Comment
  1. Thank you so much for this post. Yes it is so important that we choose our friends wisely because good friends are a gift to build us up. I really liked how you talked about how love is first found in Christ. So true. Thanks so much again!

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